Monday, January 28, 2013

Divorced Men: Datable or Dangerous?

You've met a man who intrigues you. You find him attractive and personable and would like to date him. But then you discover that he was married and that divorce happened only recently. What do you do? Should you take this divorce into consideration when deciding whether or not to date him? Are you concerned that he may not be emotionally stable enough to start a relationship with a new woman? There are a few things to consider before dating a guy who just got out of a marriage.
What you should do immediately is weigh how much you like this guy against the risks of dating a man who just got divorced. Is he just someone you find physically appealing or is there a deeper attraction? Are there any up-front warning signs that he may possess characteristics you don't like in a person? If you feel that he is really worth pursuing, then it is time to take a look at the gravity of a marriage breaking up. He may be deeply hurt by the dissolution of his last relationship, and that hurt can easily translate into the relationship you want to begin with him.
You also have to understand that ending a marriage is a lot different than ending a relationship, even a long-term one. Dissolving a marriage involves legal battles, finances, alimony and a lot of hurt feelings. He may or may not be over his ex-wife romantically, but there is a good chance that she will still be involved in his life long after the marriage has officially ended. This is especially true if the couple had children together.
If there are kids involved, the ex-wife will always be a part of your lives because of those children, and it is unrealistic of you to expect otherwise. Can you handle the fact that he will need to talk to and see his ex on a regular basis? If you're prone to jealousy, this could be a very difficult situation for you. Will you be able to treat this woman with respect and kindness in front of their children? He will expect you to.
Another thing to think about is what he is and is not expecting from the relationship he is going to embark upon with you. Divorce is a big step; do you really believe that he is looking to enter into another long-term relationship right off the bat? Even if he says he is, do you think that is what is in his heart? Rebound relationships are common, so be aware that whether he intends it or not, you may just be a fling to get him back in the game. You should also keep in mind that he is probably not likely to pursue a marriage again any time soon, so if that is what you are looking for it may be best to take a step back and examine your options.
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